Confessing

I confessed to the person I hurt. I took the biggest chance of my adult life and picked honesty over everything else. The guilt was tearing me up inside and lying was even harder than that. I have tons of trouble looking someone in the eye knowing I am holding a secret back from them. Especially him. I hurt him, only a little. My secret was a lot worse than I made it out to be. Shows you how good I would be doing something horrible behind someone’s back. It almost killed me to tell him. I was shaking, crying and freaking out inside. I tried to remain as calm as possible.

For the first time, I made a mistake and someone forgave me. Normally, it is hard to get someone to understand you and forgive you for being a jackass. Whitey did. And I love him even more for it. I will never hurt him again. Never. You have my word.

On a positive note, the weekend was fun and sunny in SoCal. We went to the beach, celebrating a birthday, saw a Dodger game and relaxed. I needed it. I was stressed and my stomach hurt from holding in and lying. That pain is gone. We are moving on. Hopefully down an honest path. And boy are we good together. It makes me smile when I think about it. I am head over heels in love.

Is it regret?

One month. Over a month actually. I can’t believe it. I haven’t blogged in a long time. It is funny because you would think you would only need blogging during your roughest times. Not true. Sometimes you should blog about your happiness. I haven’t really done that lately. I am happy, for the most part. Sometimes, I think I need to fix things in my life. Sometimes I am just sad. Sometimes I am so happy I could explode. That is how I feel for the most part.

I had to go to Vegas for work for most of this week. I am pretty exhausted and just straight out of it. Problem is, I am running a scenario around in my head over and over and can’t shake it. When you do something that you didn’t mean to that probably wasn’t your smartest idea, in order to get over it, do you have to confess? Is there anyway that if you are sorry enough, it will just go away eventually? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What does it take for someone to change? Does it have to be something major for a person to change and fix themselves? At the moment, these are my thoughts. More next week.