Balance

I seem to be having a ton of trouble with balance lately. It seems like its either a choice of your friends or your boyfriend, and I don’t feel like that should be a decision I should ever have to make. Whitey and I spend a ton of time together, but that is what makes me the most happy. We love to travel and love to do stuff. Maybe that’s selfish but I could honestly care less…..I like spending time with the boy and experiencing new adventures. We spent plenty of time with my friends. D is practically our third wheel, in a funny way. The three of us and Whitey’s best friend Ian went to the Muse concert last Tuesday. We play softball with a large group of both our friends every Wednesday night. We go out to bars to meet up with my girlfriends. I took a girls weekend in Vegas with my two best girlfriends. The problem is I have a ton of friends. I can barely keep up with all of them while I am single, let alone while in a relationship. Lately, some seem to be expressing their frustrations. Brother has completely quit talking to us. Both Whitey and I are extremely hurt by this situation. He is frustrated that Whitey and I are no longer our crazy partying selves. Some people think it is because he is in love with me. Honestly, I don’t know what to make of the situation. My girlfriends, especially E and D, just make comments about how “busy” I am. They were mad since I went to Prescott, Arizona for Whitey’s mom’s birthday this past weekend. Part of me wants to believe they are truly happy for me, but part of me thinks they are jealous too. I am not sure how to handle the situation.

Even my sister and I got into it this morning. She wants to visit at the end of the month in the last weekend of April. Problem with this is I already have a ton of plans and was hoping she could visit in May. She booked her flight with two of her friends at the end of the month and they are coming anyways. I feel like this is totally selfish of her. I have a life and even though she is my sister, she can’t just barge into my life when it is convenient for her. She keeps expressing how she is having such a rough month. Problem is she quit her job before she had another one because her boss kept getting mad at her because she is late. She was late because she went out and partied all night the time I was in Vegas and was two hours late to work. She blames it on everyone else but herself. I just can’t deal with it anymore. I want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. Why the fuck can’t anyone see I am happy and enjoying my life, and I will hang out with them as much as I can?

Holding back or choosing happiness?

I can’t believe it is already April. I feel like it was just New Years Eve for crying out loud. My girls’ weekend was crazy fun!! I am still recovering. I am hoping to download the pics tonight and will post them tomorrow. Its been a long time since I posted pics. I am doing a ton better lately. I think I am slowing trying to change my negative thinking into positive thinking. It has definitely helped. I have also started reading again, something I seemed to stop doing for awhile that makes a huge impact on my ability to chill and relax. I have been trying Roxy's breathing technique and it does help. It actually calms me down completely. The anxiety is gone for the time being and I could not be more ecstatic. I looked into therapy but think I am going to hold off for the time being unless I get worse.

My little brother came home with us from Vegas and has been staying at Whitey’s for the week. He lives on an island and the bro loves every moment. He gets to bike all day and play volleyball on the beach. What a life!!

I went to meet with someone who is going to be aiding me in my career. He was a GIANT help. He also gave me the truth about a few situations that haven’t crossed my mind until now. One of those was me being able to relocate for my career or not. In order to be really ambitious and ready to move up iin the PR world, I would have to be willing to relocate to LA. This did not sit well with me. I just want to stay in Orange County and be successful. Not really an option I guess though.

Hence the wonderful crossroads of life.

I will get through it, but it is going to take some sacrifices. In order to be exceptional in my career, I have to be willing to move and i.e. give up Whitey unless he can move with me. Not really the most exciting scenario. I love where I live and I am happy (for the most part) here. I don’t think I would like LA, with all the traffic and busyness. I like the Orange County bubble. Hooray for all those people who can enjoy LA, and I applaud them for being able to do so. The problem is that city is not for me.

I think I am willing to give up being a PR supergodess for Whitey. Is that crazy? Does this make me insae to be willing to give something up for a guy? Nello was recently blogging about Glamour challenging her decision to stay at home with her kids. Most women see that as an amazing life in itself, but what about those that doubt their decision. I think Whitey and I have a great future together, and I am hoping that me staying in the OC for my career will allow me to flourish just as much as me moving to LA.

I guess only time can tell.