Wine and Heavy Laughing Mix Well

Life has been great lately. Things seem to be moving along and rolling smoothly. Whitey, Brother and I went out last night to dinner and a comedy show. We ordered plenty of wine and really enjoyed ourselves. Brother has a girl in town visiting from Chicago who he is totally interested in. She is a doll. My roommate from college also came down from Merin to visit and hang out with us. She loved Whitey. She thinks he treats me so so good and is really into me. It made me smile. I am falling for him more and more everyday. We have a huge weekend of events together so I am hoping everything goes smoothly and falls into place. He is absolutely amazing!! The comedy show was hilarious and the company was even better. I honestly am so lucky and want to thank you guys for all your advice and support (yes, even you John) :)

We are heading to Downtown Disney tonight to watch fireworks because Whitey knows how much I absolutely adore them. My best friend Los is coming into town for new years and we are going wine tasting on Saturday in San Ynez, which is about a half hour outside of Santa Barbara. I am stoked!! I still have no new years plan, but I think those are always the best nights, when nothing is planned. Hopefully it turns out better than ever!!

Also, thanks for Dating Dummy, I have joined the Blog Workout Crew. It should help to snap me in shape in the new year and I have a cheering squad behind me. Thanks for including me Dummy and I can't wait to start giving it all I have!!

Moving Along....

The anger has subsided. I calmed down, talked to/discussed everything with my sister. I am still frustrated with her but I am moving on. She says she did not do anything wrong, but was just trying to help. I am not sure she helped at all. She just made things really weird between us. I need to fix the fact that I hold grudges. Hopefully I will get over this soon.

Whitey and I are alright. I went to Brother's house last night with him to celebrate Christmas together and open gifts. It was a good time, although I feel really uncomfortable around Whitey. I tried not to, but I can't help how I feel. I know things will calm down and hopefully go back to normal. I am still not sure I want to commit to him. One day at a time right now.

Today is my co-worker E's birthday. I am going to dinner with her family at the Crab Cooker. I can't wait. I need a little time to clear my head. I am going to head to the gym tonight. Trying to keep up this whole "getting in shape before new years" thing. I am really trying to go into 2008 making great changes.

Slowly Losing Sanity....

It rises through my blood, making it boil and churn. It is hard to suppress although I have gotten better as I get older at disguising it. The problem is it is extremely hard to hide when it is this strong. It has something bigger than me behind it this time. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it is the loss of control, maybe it is the repercussions of my heart breaking ever so slightly.

Anger.

It has taken a hold of me and I am trying to force it back deep within. Far, far down where I can hide it from work and those close to me at the moment. Frustration. The need to vent. Asking why? Why? WHY?

My sister drove back home with me last night from Vegas to the OC. She told me it was because she wanted to keep me company. I am not sure of her motives. She always has ulterior motives. We arrived in the OC after a long, grueling seven-hour drive. We went straight to Whitey's house to open stockings and enjoy a glass of wine on Christmas evening. The stocking gifts were thoughtful. My sister and I had a huge talk about the situation on the way home from Vegas. Seven hours is a long time to talk and analyze things. She likes Whitey and wants me to give it a try. I told her I am taking it one day at a time.

The wine flows, the conversation is abundant. I slowly fall asleep on the couch. I am one of the few working on a day like today. A day when no one is in the office, including my boss. I knew I needed some sleep. They moved me to his bed and continued conversation. Friendly conversation turned into conversation about me. I asked her not to talk to him about me or my situation. I wanted to take care of it. She didn't listen. I texted her to shut the f*ck up. She didn't listen. The conversation continued until my anger and embarrassment of being able to hear them talk about me got the best of me. I stormed out of the room and the house and drove home. Minus the sister, minus my sanity and comfort. I asked her not to say anything. She didn't listen. She never listens. Well she did it this time. She ruined it. Ruined it good too. I am embarrassed to see him, embarrassed at not knowing what was said after I left. Text messages and calls came in until 3 am. They must have drank themselves silly by then. They drank, and I wallowed in anger. Now, the anger continues to boil at work. But I hide it. I hide it well.

Pre-Christmas Jitters

This post was from last Friday. I forgot to actually post it. My brain was lost....

Work is so hard today. I feel like a little kid waiting for their Christmas party at school. There are no clients in the office, no one is emailing and no one needs my help at the moment. It is like fake working. Like I am pretending like I am working for 8 hours. B-O-R-I-N-G! I wish my boss would just let us go home. Oh well. At least I have a moment to breath and blog, read celebrity gossip sites, Gawker, Trent, Perez, and do a little in-box/computer housecleaning. I am going into 2007 with an empty inbox and a clean harddrive. Here is a little update on my life.

I went out to dinner with Whitey and Brother on Wednesday night. It was so fun and we really enjoyed ourselves. We kind of got in a heated religious conversation at the end though. Whitey and I went to church together on Sunday with my best buddy Carlos, and Brother is anti-church. He doesn't believe in God since he got out of the military. It breaks my heart but I have to respect his beliefs. I am not incredibly religious, but I would love for all of us to be able to enjoy church togehter. He expressed how upset he was at Whitey and I for getting back into church. It breaks my heart but I accept his outlook. I just wish he would back ours.

Our Dysfunctional Selves

I was sick yesterday. This horrible cold hit me like a ton of bricks, with me blaming it on myself for doing too much. Why do we always feel the need to do too much during the holidays? Whitey was there for me beyond the call of duty yesterday. He dropped off lunch for me and also made me dinner. We watched a movie at night while I kindly fell asleep since I was so tired. What a guy, huh?

Since I have been working out so much lately, I found the need to drag myself out of bed and go on the elliptical trainer this morning at 6am. I slept so much yesterday and just needed to get out of the house. Now that is dedication. The whole Whitey situation has been on the forefront of my mind yesterday and I just wanted to work it out of my head. I tried but it didn't work. Oh well.

The three of us Musketeers are going out for Christmas dinner tonight. We are like a dysfunctional family....a divorced 38 year old (brother), a never-before-married 38 year old who is falling for me (Whitey), and me, my 24 year-old self. Hilarious. When Whitey was out of town, Brother and I bought him a Christmas tree and TV. After decorating the tree, we began calling ourselves this dysfunctional family since we all have each other, are always there for each other, and end up doing the most random, out of the order things like drunk decorating a tree for our buddy with NASCAR ornaments which we thought were ESPN ornaments because they had a big E with a guy that looked like he was playing football. Hilarious. Gosh I love those boys.

Thanks for all the advice on my current situation. I am just going to take it one day at a time. I know I would be really happy with Whitey, but I need to make sure I would be happy with the whole scenerio. You guys rock!

Age Ain't Nothin But a Number

Life has been pretty interesting lately. I have been going through this personal turmoil lately and really trying to figure out which direction my life is going and it is the way I want to be going, what I am doing with my life, etc. It has been an interesting few weeks. With that being said, the man situation has been getting more interesting. I have been struggling with a friendship of mine that seems to be more at times. I go back and forth on this situation, not knowing what I am truly feeling. In all honestly, I am officially playing games because I don't know what I want. I feel bad for the guy because he is one of my closest friends. "Whitey" shall be what the man goes by since it has been a nickname thrown around for a while. Whitey and me have become really close and good friends over the last few months....and no, this is not my roommate's ex. I am not that mean. We do a ton of things together, and I think it is hard not to fall for someone as wonderful as him.

Problem is our age difference. I know there are many woman out there that can date a guy who is a lot older than them, but I have never been one of those woman. Whitey is more than 15 years my senior. That is a lot of years of time, learning and life. I would say we are on two totally different levels but sadly enough we aren't really. He has been partying, enjoying his life, traveling and working pretty hard. He is just now thinking of settling down. Hence the struggle. He loves spending time with me and thinks I am one of the most amazing women he has ever met. I really like the guy, but I can't get over this whole age situation. There is just such a big difference. I would love it if the guy were just five years younger. I might be able to deal with a 10 year difference.

It came to a head Saturday night when we were both drunk and I happened to be hitting on another guy. Whitey got jealous, but instead of freaking out, he decided to just head home. He didn't want to upset me, and he feels that it is wrong for him to get a little jealous knowing that me and him are not together. He is just struggling with his feelings right now. He even let me know that it pisses him off that he found someone who is perfect that he just can't have. It is the most frustrating part of his life lately. We had to have this huge talk last night, but it left me tossing and turning a good portion of the night last night thinking. Argh. Why does life have to be so difficult lately? (I can't believe I am complaining when Lizzle actually has a good reason to complain. Love ya girl.) Sometimes I feel so selfish.

Other than that, I have really been making a change in other areas of my life. I have been working out, getting in shape and starting to eat healthier. If I don't make a change now, I never will. I even went to church with my best friends Carlos who was in town this past weekend and Whitey. It was fun. I found a great church in Newport (FINALLY) and really enjoyed the message yesterday. I just wish the rest of life would fall in place for me.

Yeah!!! He's free!

So I was really hungover when I got into work this morning but THIS news changed it all. Yes, Tom Brady is a single man. This is the most exciting news I have heard in a long time. Pics from the boat parade to come shortly.

Post Secret

This website honestly changed my life. I read it every week religiously. I have all the books. Thought I would share it with you.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Merry Christmas!! (I know its early)

Lights of the Boat Parade

This week has been a whirlwind of activity. I am sorry I have been MIA. I needed a break. From everything, especially life. Well I am back. I have a ton to catch you up on. Last night was our company holiday party...at Lucky Strike. Pretty fun, kind of boring at times. I think it was because I was exhausted. I had to haul ass to LA for a conference on Tuesday, got home at around 7:30 pm and headed out to Blue Beet for Eliza's birthday party. We rocked the 80s dance floor. See...
Me, Eliza and KT. Rock out!

I was exhausted waking up on Wednesday but still managed to drag ass to the gym last night after our party. I have gained weight. At the doctor's yesterday, the lady took my weight and when she said the number out loud I almost fell off the scale. Literally. I was shocked. I know I am not fat by any means, but I still weigh a whole lot more than I feel comfortable with. I have been hitting the gym....hard. I am determined to lose 10 pounds before the new year. I am still going to enjoy the Christmas goodies too. I just have to work out twice a day on those days when sweets and stuff will be consumed.

We got another new girl at work. After the last poor girl was fired, on a Monday morning, (SEE POST) I feel bad for the new girl. I hope she makes the cut. She is really nice and I really like her. She is pretty smart too so I am hoping she can stay on board.

I am going to bring up a random topic and ask your opinion. What do you guys think of work holiday gifts? What is the average gift/bonus you should receive? Would you be offended if your boss gave you a purse?...and that was it? Yeah. That is what I got. I would have loved the money. No Christmas money for me from work. Nothing. But a flashy gold and white purse. Our company is more than pissed. Oh well. Moving along...

Tonight is our boat parade party. I can't wait!! I will definitely post some pics tomorrow. It should be so fun. The NEWPORT BEACH BOAT PARADE is pretty amazing. The Christmas Boat Parade, which has been hailed as “one of the top ten holiday happenings in the nation” by the New York Times, is truly a magical holiday tradition for all ages. The parade continues to be a premier event during the holiday season in Southern California that brings joy and happiness to all that view it.

I will be there. With plenty of hot chocolate and alcohol to keep me warm. I honestly can't wait. I love the boat parade!!

Happy Hanukkah to everyone out there that will be celebrating tonight, especially you Jill. :)

QOTD

Sometimes the most random things cheer me up. Note my sister below....

"Well I sent out our Christmas cards today in which the first sent of pics that came out of Walgreens had our name spelled wrong- my bad (long night) and I put all the stamps on upside down because the stupid statue of liberty stamps dad has I couldn't figure out! I decided if I keep doing them wrong every year then maybe one of these years I won't be asked to do them at all!"

I love my little sister.

The State of Not Caring Anymore

Just when you think your life is going great, something always has to come along and fuck it up. It sucks. I guess it was kind of my fault in a way, but I also think it is just my luck lately. Argh!

My roommate finally got pissed that I have been hanging out with Mike and her ex. I have never done anything with her ex, nor am I interested in him in any way, shape or form. He is almost 15 years older than me. It was my fault yesterday. I am taking full responsibility. The problem is, for some reason, I am having trouble finding it in me to care. Which scares me. A lot. I just don't care. It has become my motto lately. It is not a good motto to be living with.

My best friend Shannon was in town all weekend. We had a blast together and it was finally relaxing and fun. I went out with a gf to see Deja Vu Friday night. It was a really good movie. I was actually surprised. Denzel Washington normally does not do a bad movie, but this one was really good. Saturday, Shannon came into town and we went shopping. I needed retail therapy. I have not been myself lately. Something needed to snap me out of it. Retail therapy sometimes does that. Not this time. I spent too much money. Money I did not have. The problem was I just kept saying who cares. Who cares. I should have cared because now I owe a great chunk on my credit card. Sadly, I just don't really care. Shannon and I went out with the girls on Saturday night. I dealt with the usually OC aholes. It was fun. Not really interested in guys at the moment anyway. Oh well. Just don't care.

Sunday morning was brunch. Mike and her ex met us for brunch. Sadly enough her ex deserves a name. But I just don't care enough to give him a different one than her ex. Oh well. All my girlfriends and the two boys. I honestly love hanging out with them. They make me happy. They make me LIVE. Roomie could care less about this. She is worried about her and how this affects her. They only dated for a few months!!

Roomie invited me to the Christmas Walk. I told her we would go after champagne brunch. Shannon and I got a little tipsy after champagne brunch. Her ex and Mike offered to drive us to the walk. This is where the flag should have come up, but with my drunken, tipsy state and the boys explaining they thought we were all cool since they all went to brunch last weekend, we all decided to do the walk. We ran into Dora around the bars where I knew she would be. For some reason, I did not think this would be a problem. I thought wrong. She got pissed. I got a phone call. I felt bad. The problem is I have no idea what to do. I am in it too far with the boys. I honestly see them as my big brothers. What the fuck do I do now?

Only funny part of the weekend was church. I decided to start going back to church, so I headed to a new church with Shannon. I heard there were a lot of young people and it was a great church. I could not have been more wrong. We must have gone to the wrong church. Everyone was over 55. We were the ONLY young people in the church at all. EVERYONE came up to welcome us and introduce themselves. We were the highlight of the service. haha. We stayed and laughed through it, but the sermon was actually really good. He talked about how hard it is around the holidays if you are lonely. That we should reach out to those people. I listened, all along realizing it was me. Sadly enough, the lonely one. I have been feeling a little lonely for the last few weeks. I think it is the stem of the "I just don't care" state. I will snap outta it. I just needed to vent.